would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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