ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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