3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
