I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
