Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Your topless pictures make me question reality
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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