Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
He did a backflip because drugs
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
