Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
