Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
