At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
