I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
