his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
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