He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
