Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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