Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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