im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
