You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Randomize
