So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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