So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
