I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
