I feel like abortions should bother me more
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
