You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
