Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
