Sry I called you an 8
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
