She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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