woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
