Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
