I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I need a burrito and a hug.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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