i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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