Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
