well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
