3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
