i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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