how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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