just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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