are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
