he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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