Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
