She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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