i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
