I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
