tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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