I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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