hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
