return my video game
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
this is an emotional support booty call
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
