There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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