so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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