I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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