We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Then you guys just all showered together...?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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