There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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