I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
