OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
its liver damage thursday
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
