What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Fuck appropriateness.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
