I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
