I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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